So I know I just posted something a few hours ago, but it's 1 am and I'm sitting at my computer and I just had an ah-ha moment. I realized that lately... meaning the last 4 months, I have been pulled so thin and wound so tight, that all there is left to do when anything at all goes wrong is snap. And snap I do. And what happens when you live really far away from anyone who knows you even remotely well enough to be completely yourself with? You snap at the only person who does. And poor Craig has been snapped at a lot lately. That really isn't fair is it? I mean, it's not his fault that I forgot to put in my works cited page when I submitted my research paper, or that blackboard won't let you go in and fix it. He is responsible for giving me the idea to email it to my professor, who was fine about it. Of course, I made a big stink about it in his face, even though he took the time to come over and help me stop hyperventilating, when he had a huge amount of studying to get done for his own class tomorrow. That is AFTER he brought home pizza so I wouldn't have to worry about dinner, then did the dishes, bathed the kids, and cleaned the house. Yeah. I suck. Sorry, I know that's crude, but it's true. The truth is, I want to be an amazing wife, and a wonderful mother, and a really good writer (published preferably), and design little delights that people wear around their neck and in their hair, and I want to be a woman of faith. I want it all. And (naive as it may sound) I think it's possible. Not perfection. I don't believe I can be perfect in everything (or anything for that matter) But I believe holding myself to a higher standard produces a better result. And since I am not perfect there is only one solution. Less getting wound-up about things. If things go wrong... so what. The point is not perfection, the point is to try and be more...
ps. I love you Craig...
you believe in me when no one else does.