for matt, on your 29th birthday

Dear Matt,

You're 29 today, buddy. I can't believe that. If I was there I would sit with you this morning and listen to your oldies. And I would sing along with you, but I wouldn't know the words as well as you. And I would take you to lunch at McDonalds so you could get 2 hamburgers, fries and a diet coke. I would watch you sitting on the floor of your room in the afternoon with your legs crossed in a hyper-extended indian style. I would take you to the movies this evening and I would buy you popcorn and soda, and then half-way through I would surprise you with a Hershey's chocolate bar, and you would probably smile at me. I would listen to you whisper movie facts at me while it plays, and we would stay until all the credits had rolled so you could read all the names. And then we would talk about what happened the whole drive home. And I would give you a chocolate birthday cake with 29 candles on it and watch as you roll your eyes when dad says you smell like a monkey at the end of the song. I would give you a big hug, Matt if I were there, and say happy birthday, and then watch you drift to sleep like the angel you are. Happy, content. You live for your birthday, we all do. I wish I was there.

Love,

Your Little Sis.

mi-cro-burst. [mahy-kruh-burst]

mi-cro-burst: 
definition: an intense, localized downdraft of air that spreads on the ground, causing rapid changes in wind direction and speed; a localized downburst.

translation: a huge gust of wind that appears out of nowhere on a seemingly calm and sunny arizona day and is able to lift 200 pound metal pool umbrellas off the ground and send them barrelling full force toward you, while you are standing unaware and holding your 18 month old. which then knocks you completely unconscious and leaves one heck of a bruise on your face, elbow, leg, and on your baby's head; also giving you a sore and swollen jaw, and a stiff neck.

yeah, i wish i was kidding. out. cold.

happy memorial day.

i'm excited because this guy doesn't have to go to work.

ps. thanks to the veterans.

the irony of being a mother.

that i could love this kid so much and still want to strangle him when he is squawking at the top of his lungs the entire time we are trying to enjoy a quiet evening at the olive garden on friday night is beyond me. seriously, both of us were prepared to flog him by the time we left, even though the other two were angelic (a first- believe me), and yet, by the time we get home he's being his cute squashy cuddly self and we can't help but love all over him and devour those delicious cheeks. how is that possible?

there is a house...

with four bedrooms.

and 2.5 baths.

with a fabulous kitchen.

and high vaulted ceilings.

and most importantly, this backyard.

and it's almost ours. almost... i'll keep you posted. just a few more days and we'll know for sure...

in other news.

it's raining in arizona. raining. very cool. it's going to be a balmy 86 degrees today. we survived the first heat of the season. 109 for 15 days...yikes. it wasn't so bad. i didn't even notice, really. this is me sticking my tongue at all of you who said we were going to "roast" down here. he.he.he.

kisses, cori.

um, embarrassing.

So at the pool tonight I sat lounging in a chair talking to a nice woman. The kids were swimming around with Craig, and there were several other people enjoying the heat and water. There was one particular woman, and if I had to make a comparison, to her body type and bathing suit choice, I'm sorry, but this is what I would have to go with: (the one on the right.)

Now, for the record, I have absolutely nothing against weight. I've been a complete beast with all three of my pregnancies. Seriously. If you don't believe me here's a little picture of me while I was busy baking Hannah:

Oops, wrong one. But seriously, that really is me in the middle.

Yeah, some pregnancies are not so pretty...

Anyways, back to my story. So this lady wasn't a swimsuit model or anything (which is fine) but her bathing suit was ridiculous. I mean really, we are talking NO coverage. So back to me. I'm chatting it up with this nice woman (whom I had just met), and suddenly Carter runs up to me and goes:

"Mommy!" pointing to the previously mentioned woman, "that lady is CHUNKY!"

Yiiiiikes. Um. Yeah.

And you know Carter, (even if you don't) it was at the top of his lungs. I shooshed him, quickly covering his mouth and explained that we shouldn't call people chunky... ever. It hurts their feelings.

I was embarrassed. I'm not going to lie. But actually more that it might have hurt her feelings. I'm way past being embarrassed for myself. My kids do that on a daily basis. Snot on my clothes, tantrums in the store. But I did start wracking my brains trying to figure out where he might have picked that up, because I was sure it was from me. And I realize. I call Ethan chunky, chubby, squishy, chubs, etc. everyday, while I nibble on his succulent little pudge thighs after his bath, changing his diapers, or basically anytime he gets near me. (I can't help it, the kid is so edible) But, oops.

So I had a quiet talk with Carter about how not nice it is to call someone fat or chunky, and that it hurts their feelings and makes them cry. He spent the rest of the evening proclaiming, (while protectively clutching Ethan) "Our baby's not CHUNKY!"

Well, it's progress, right?

let me explain,

So I haven't really felt like blogging for the past month. Blame it on the delicious warm weather that keeps me and the children next to the pool pretty much all day, everyday. My kids are becoming quite skilled little swimmers. And also on the fact that if I delve too much into our situation it makes me feel a little like, hm... freaking out. Let me explain. Things are good, really really good. But really really out of my control. And sadly, I'm a bit of a control freak. Stupid stupid stupid. Life is messy, I'm finding. Nothing is cut and dry.

We STILL don't have a house. Yes, you heard me right. We passed our two month mark last week, well- three if you count the month when Craig was here without me, (which I'm not-- it makes me feel better) and still no house. Not that we haven't tried, though. We've gone after 5 DIFFERENT houses. How many have we gotten? NADA. ZILCH. ZIP. and any other way to say NONE.

Yeah, whoever said it's a buyers market, can kiss my booty.

Seriously.

I really have hated the idea that some things are completely out of my control. When we bought our first house it was so simple. We weren't even working with a realtor. We just found a house, made an offer, and 30 days later we were watching the movers haul all our junk in.

I miss the days when you could just work with a normal set of sellers. I don't like banks. I mean I know they are losing their shorts with all these foreclosures and short sales, but honestly they could make it a LITTLE easier for the buyers. I mean come ON! 5 HOUSES!

So we moved out of our corporate housing and into an apartment for a month, because we thought we were about to get under contract on a house. Of course it fell through, and we spent 4 weeks in H-E-double hockey sticks. Literally. I can't even describe it. 1 bedroom, 5 people, an air mattress, and the smell of cigarette smoke. That's the best I can do. I'm sorry, thinking about it too much is just a little too painful.

We made an offer on another house while in the "situation." Several thousand over the asking price. Outbid. Nice. Back to square one again. Then another came, and... went.

And last Sunday, Craig said enough. We found a townhouse owned by a guy who works at Boeing too, and HALLELUJAH! he was willing to do month to month with us. Now we are living in this fabulous 3 bedroom 2 bath home that walks right out onto, seriously, ten acres of grass and a big park. There's a pool, which I am finding is a need not a want here, and all the running paths I could ask for around a fabulous golf course. I can breath again, because even though it could take a few more months to find (and get!) the right house. We are going to be comfortable, and safe, and able to sleep on a normal bed again. Ahhh.

So a house popped up today, we're going to look at it tonight. I'll let you know what happens...

Quotable:

Hannah: "Arizona gets me all sweaty."

me too, hun, me too.

What mothers do at night.

Tonight I crept into the room and watched my children sleep. And I kissed their chubby little perfect fingers, I touched their soft cheeks, and I ran my fingers through their sweaty hair. And I cried over my children. I cried because I haven't been the mother I wanted to be to them. I cried because I feel inadequate. I cried because I know we've put them through alot these past few months, and they're going to go through alot in the next few to come. And I cried because I'm watching them grow older, and bigger, and everyday they get a little further from me. And sitting there tonight watching them sleep, I want to keep them just as they are, forever. Then I cried again, and thank my Heavenly Father that He blessed me with children. That He supports me in my inadequacies. That He's been with us the entire journey here, and the one ahead. And that, while they won't stay the same, I do get to have them, forever. Then I laid down next to my children and whispered promises to them too precious to share.

Some things stay between a mother and child.

jittery.

I don't really drink soda. In my quest for healthier living, sugary drinks don't exactly fit in. I'm not adding extra calories for a pop. I'll stick with water, thank you very much. I especially don't drink soda with caffeine. I'm not really all that anal, but caffeine is just so bad for you. Well today, it was hot. Like I knew it would be. We were driving around and Carter started crying about how thirsty he was. Great, the one time I DON'T load up my bag with bottled water is the time they get thirsty, so we whipped into the burger kind drive thru and I ordered 3 apple juices. Then came my turn for a drink selection. Normally, I would just get a water, but I have found that the water in Arizona is quite DISGUSTING. It's about the only thing I can really complain about. Everything else is fabulous. But the water, it tastes like they put it through a metal strainer. No, I'm not kidding. We've been buying alot of bottled water, and go through a pack of 24 in about 3 days. Hey, there are alot of us. But anyways, I sat in the drive thru line with my little dilemma. I didn't want a lemonade, water is nasty, barg's rootbeer is even nastier, AND it has caffeine. Hm, what do I order? Oh, well. I said to myself, if I'm going to have caffeine, I might as well get a Dr. Pepper. I do love Dr. Pepper, but I haven't really drank it much since I got pregnant with Hannah, over five years ago.

So I bought our drinks, and we slurped them down and then spent a fabulous afternoon in TJMAXX home goods (don't you just L.O.V.E. that store). Suddenly I had tons of energy! Wow, this is great, it's late afternoon and I'm not about to fall over dead with exhaustion. (which is my normal routine.) I was especially excited because Craig is out of town on business, and I'm alone with 3 kids in a city where the only person I know is my realtor, and I'm pretty sure she's not going to come over and help me out with the kiddos, no matter how fabulous she is. I can't afford to be a late afternoon zombie. So I skipped around the store, toting my three munchkins, who were actually angelic (for once-- pretty sure I had angels with me) and I was pretty dog-gone happy about it. The only problem was I drank it on an empty stomach. Caffeine + a person who never drinks it+ an empty stomach= not a good combination. By the time I got home, I felt strangely wired. I cooked up some scrambled eggs for dinner with toast on the side, and we sat down to eat. I look down and my hands are shaking. Like full-on uncontrollably shaking. "What the heck?" I think to myself. I held my hand out in front of my face trying to make it stop and it wouldn't. "Oh," I realized, "the caffeine." It took a full plate of eggs, two pieces of toast and another hour before the shaking stopped. Thank goodness it did.

But I get the overall feeling that next time I'll just remember to pack the water, or order an apple juice instead.

current temperature is...

one word for you all. hot. it will be 105 degrees by thursday. it's gonna be a baptism by fire... literally. wish us luck as we jump into our first arizona summer. yikes.

saturday.

zoo.

snow cones.

haircuts.

the end.

i love my life.

ps.

for mom.

i thought you might get a kick out of this. it was actually monday, hiking for fhe, it got a little dark on the way down. the kids were obsessed with craig's headlamp.

hilarious.