bath nazi

I have a small suspicion that I am a little obsessive compulsive. This is especially manifested in my morning routine with my children. In fact, I think I'm a bit of a bath Nazi. I don't know exactly how early I came to believe that children need a bath everyday. I'm pretty sure it was instilled in me by my mother, she was a bath Nazi as well (in a good way). In fact, I have trouble remembering a single day of my childhood where I didn't have a bath. This may seem extreme, but I don't really think it is. We all know that adults and teenagers need to bathe everyday, can you say B.O.? And yes, children do not get B.O., but they still get dirty. In fact they get filthy... let's take an inventory shall we? They sit in their own poop and pee. Can you imagine sitting in your own feces and then Not bathing? They play in the dirt, and occasionally walk through dog poop (sick). Have you ever watched a toddler eat pancakes? Babies spit up and get breast milk and/or formula in every little nook and cranny between their chin and their belly button. Kids that are potty trained don't wipe all that well. I mean, come on, their hand barely even reaches back there, how can they possibly get all the remnants off? Still not convinced? Check behind their ears, in their fingernails, between their toes. Occasionally I'll catch Hannah with a strand of hair in her mouth, sucking on it. Yeah, sucking on her hair. Nasty, and I remember doing it as a kid. Kids get sweaty, really sweaty. Have you ever pulled them out of their car seat on a hot afternoon? Think about all the moments you catch your kids getting into something gross like the toilet. Remember how you shrieked, as you watched them stick their hands in their own poop filled diaper? Now think about all the times you didn't catch them, ug.

There are usually two reasons I don't bathe my kids, which maybe happens twice a month. 1. I'm late. Baths seriously add an extra hour and a half. 2. I'm lazy. And it's never worth it. I spend the day feeling vicariously sticky.