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Friday, March 20, 2009

pledge.

Anyone who peeks at my blog fairly often knows that there is one subject in particular that I like to write about.

My brother Matt.



Can you blame me? I mean, if this was your brother, you'd blog about him too.
And that is what I'm going to blog about tonight.
But, I'm going to blog about him a little differently. Because there is something big going on right now. Now let me tell you, I despise "movements" but this is something I can get behind. Because it's important and it's LONG overdue. The Special Olympics is sponsoring a movement called "stop the r-word." They are trying to get 100,000 people to pledge by March 31 to stop using the r-word. Now if you haven't figured out what I'm talking about yet, it's the word retard, or retarded.
Ug. I'm going to get brutally honest now. Buckle up. Even writing that word makes me throw up a little bit in my mouth. And let me clarify why.
BECAUSE THAT WORD IS OFFENSIVE.
It is.
Just in case you weren't sure, or didn't know, or think that maybe because most people use it it's not offensive, it is. Extremely. To me. And to alot of people. Including my brother, who by the way, understands what that word means, AND understands when it's used as a derogatory term.
Look into his face and tell me it's not offensive.
When I was in high school, and a bit more immature and fiery, you didn't want to be in the same room with me if you or any one around you let the r-word slip. Because, boy and how, I would cloud up and rain all over you. Since then I've grown up a bit (I hope) and learned a few things (a very few). And I've grown more understanding. I realize that not everyone had the PRIVILEGE of growing up next to such a remarkable human being, and that most people just grow up thinking it's another way to say stupid, or clumsy, or ridiculous.
But really THINK about what that denotes.
And while you're thinking let me share what happens inside of me when someone around me uses the r-word. My heart literally drops in my chest, I feel sick to my stomach, and my palms get clammy. It's a little bit like having an out-of-body experience. The room becomes a tunnel, and the conversation around me turns into a strange echoy sound, while I sit there, wondering if I should say something, about exactly HOW offensive that word is to me.
What I've realized however, is that people as a whole, are NOT malicious. I really doubt anybody wants to hurt me, or my brother, or anyone else as special as him, when they use the r-word. The problem is societal. Have you noticed that other derogatory words that were at one time viewed as normal, are now seen as socially inappropriate?
And that is what this movement is all about. We have to change society's view on the use of this word and make using this word socially unacceptable. Because it should be.
"Our choice of language frames how we think about others. It is time to respect and value people with intellectual disabilities. It is time to accept and welcome us as your friends and neighbors.
Change the conversation...stop using the r-word."
~Statement from r-word.org.
I have pledged. Even though, I don't use that word, ever. I pledged anyway.
Now here comes your part. I know that blogging, and the Internet can be used for good. Make the pledge. And let me know if you did. I want to feel good about the human race, because dang it all, we can do some pretty cool things. Leave me a comment, even if you don't know me. Even if you just stumbled onto my blog randomly, or you've been looking at it for months, and let me know if you are willing to pledge to stop using the r-word, and encourage others to do the same. Go visit the S.O. website get a button to post on your pages. Put this message out on your blog, myspace, email, facebook. Let people know that you too can stand up and defend people who are unable to defend themselves. I will thank you. And so will my brother.


r-word.org

11 comments:

Nikki said...

I would be honored to pledge. I am going right now! You are a friend of mine and I have had the honor of meeting your brother. He is a wonderful young man!!

Anonymous said...

Hey, thanks for doing this. I say that word. I feel really bad. I pledged and emailed a bunch of friends too. I'm really gonna do this. I feel bad that I have been so insensitive and ignorant. I think I have always said it so its a habit. Still, that's no excuse. I'm going to do better. I hope I haven't offended you. I love you!

Katie said...

I'm on board. It's not a very pleasant word and it IS very offensive. Thanks for the reminder!

Anonymous said...

Cori, I am so glad I grew up with you guys so that I could learn at a young age how important it is not to use those words. I remember a couple of times when I was little and accidentally used it (just because it was said by others at school) and felt TERRIBLE. I knew in my heart that it was wrong. Not only is it an offensive word, people who use it sound uneducated and ignorant. But, like you said, most of them aren't malicious. I am totally joining this pledge.

Tashina said...

Thanks for joining the effort Cori... it has been so cool to see how people have responded here. We have been on the news, the radio and will be in the local paper next week promoting this cause. I'm so grateful that people are responding to it!

Marc and Stacy said...

Cori-
I learned how offensive this could truly be in high school when I occasionally and ignorantly used the word. Thank you for "raining" on me and instilling in me how offensive it is. Little did we both know that lesson would prepare me to be an aunt of a little angel like Matt and it shed a new appreciation and meaning for why it is such a horrible word! I joke with Marc that I married him just to be related to little Megan and all her perfection. Thank you for setting that example. I love Matt and will take a stand and pledge for him, my niece and everyone out there that I will continue working hard to keep that word out of my vocabulary.
Love ya!
P.S. did you happen to catch the Bonnie Hunt show last week? She and some celebrity from the show Scrubs did a segment on this cause. He said something really profound towards the end that I can't exactly remember word for word but it was with hand motions and he said something to the effect of "when you approach them (mentally handicapped) with this (making a fist) it's a one sided fight because they only know how to react with this (sign for love)". I'm sure I kind of botched it, but you could find it on you tube I'm sure. Thanks again for this post!

Anonymous said...

I pledge and honestly feel quite guiltily as I have used that word before, a lot, and I was never meaning to malicious. I have other friends with DS and have never even thought how that word would make them feel if used around them. Thanks and good for you and this movement.

Maran said...

Cori- That word has never really been a big part of my vocabulary, but the only times I can remember ever saying it was in front of you. It was like for some reason I was trying so hard not to say the word in front of you that it slipped out. Weird how that works. So I'm sorry for those one or two times that I have said the word in front of you. I truly don't use that word ever (although I do call people idiots sometimes, which is probably not a nice word to use either)!!! I pledged, and I hope that more people will realize how hurtful that word can be.

Carter Family said...

Yeah Cori!!! I hadn't heard of this pledge! What a tribute to your brother, but also to others that are here on this earth in an unperfect body... but with perfect spirit's inside them. Today at church, as I was sitting next to my little Meg in her primary class (to keep her teacher from not going over the edge) one of the little boys in her class, said to me, when he heard me respond to one of her questions, "How do you know what she's saying... she's not very smart... and doesn't talk like I can!" I smiled my "mom's are suppose to smile at ignorant 6 year olds" smile and explained to him... that if you took the time to listen to her, you would hear how much she can say! I appreciate that society wants to rid the world of derogatory, mean words in our language. How much better our world would be, if everyone took a second and thought before they spoke.

Anonymous said...

i'm going to put iton my facebook. if it helps..i'll totally do it.*ALICIA*

My Life as a Domestic Goddess said...

Cori, your words are so profound. I would love to support this movement as well. I had a baby boy with trisomy 13. So I understand the feelings that come from hearing this word. However, I use this word purely out of habit. Thank you for bringing it to my attention. I hope I was not one who offended you. Your brother is an amazing young man and he is so lucky to have a sister like you!