roots.

I'm in Logan today. I have been since yesterday and I will be until I load my kids up in the car this afternoon and trek-it back down to Eagle Mountain. Beside being away from Craig, I love to be here. To come home to my roots. Ironically, these aren't actually my roots. I didn't grow up in Logan, and excepting a very brief stint before I got married over 5 years ago, I've never really lived here. I grew up in California. But, it still feels like home when I come to visit my parents in this house that I have never lived in. I sat at the kitchen table chit-chatting with my mom this morning, while she fried eggs for my kids and Ethan threw his Cheerios on the floor. Scooter their dog had no problem cleaning those up. My dad came down for breakfast and we all talked until his radio started beeping and the room goes unconsciously silent so he can listen to the call. The Chief has been "THE CHIEF" for so long now, I can hardly remember when he wasn't. Except that I was exceptionally proud to tell my kindergarten class that my daddy was a "fireman!" No one's dad had a job as cool as mine did. He finished his breakfast and kissed us all goodbye before rushing out the door. I swear I was ten again, and I loved it. Last night, people were coming and going, snacking, laughing, chatting all over the house. I love the noise that is my parents house. Houses that are quiet feeling eery and unnatural to me. I sat on the couch across from my sister Tashi and her boyfriend Nick, while my kids ran wild all over the house like hooligans until much much too late of an hour, and my mom taught me how to knit. I was so frustrated that I'm pretty sure I was acting like a teenager. Then just like Nick said, I had my "ah-ha!" moment and everything clicked. I can now knit. It was brilliant. I slept in my mom's spare room, that she uses for sewing. It's beautiful and soft. Carter slept with me. He snuggled right up into my side and I fell into a joyful slumber. He woke me up early, and I watched my mom cut his hair with her clippers while he sat on the counter of her bathroom with his feet in the sink. Then I asked her if she could give my bangs a trim. Now, I'm sitting at her desk in her laundry room. It looks exactly like her desks have always looked. Papers scattered here and there, organized chaos, some ribbon, a picture of her with my kids, some books, her glasses case, and right on top are her scriptures, the same ones she's had since I was a child, in the same navy blue case. My mother is a woman of faith. I want to be one too. This house holds no memories from my childhood, but everything about it calls out "home." Because home is not a location, that can change. It's not a specific set of walls, they can burn down. Home is where your family is. It's wherever the people are who create the smells, the messes, the sounds, the love. And as I sit here in this unfamiliar house, a feeling of nostalgia washes over me. Every sound and smell is familiar. I feel my roots deep in my bones and my soul calls out, "home."

hopeless

Would somebody please help me figure out how to explain to my 3-year-old that going out into the garage and climbing on the car is not a good activity. Especially in his church clothes. If I can't see or hear Carter he is most likely out in the garage doing this. And it doesn't really matter how many times I scold him and put him in time-out, he just keeps on going out there and climbing up on top of the car. I'm sure that's great for the sunroof. It's probably a lost cause anyway, because my one-year-old's new obsession is climbing out of his high chair and onto the kitchen table, where he proceeds in dismantling the napkins. Love it. Thank you, Craig, for passing on the climbing gene to our very rambunctious boys.

The Sabbath Day

I just spent the evening sitting at my kitchen table across from my sweetheart, sewing Halloween costumes for my kids and listening to several of my church CDs. Aren't Sundays the best? The spirit was so strong in our kitchen, I kept getting goosebumps. My well is full, and ready for another week. Why do we all have so much trouble keeping the Sabbath day holy? It's like the Lord is saying, "Here, I'm giving you this day, where you can shut out the world, and forget all about it. A day when you can forget about everything, and come back to me. Where I will teach you and replenish you. Where you can spend uninterrupted time with your family, and grow closer to them while they are young, and when they are older. A day when you can once again belong only to me. Where you can hear only good music, and eat a good meal, together, at the kitchen table. Where you can take a nap, and sit down and read: the scriptures, a talk, a good book. A day of rest. Here it is, my gift to you, take it."

And yet we don't. Why don't we take it?

um, yeah.

that's three toddler carseats in one car. love it.

the woman in me.

I read this book 3 1/2 years ago when I was pregnant with Carter. I loved it. It's one of those books that stays with you.

Last night I went and saw the movie. I cried. A lot. Just like I did in the book. It was a beautiful movie. Womanly, motherly. It made me think about the role of mother that the Lord has blessed us women with. Our innate ability to nurture, and to love. How natural it is for a woman to love. It's born in us, and it is a beautiful attribute that is so unique to women. Every woman is a mother, whether they have children or not. I love being a woman. I love crying and loving and rocking and holding and feeling everything. I love feeling my babies soft little bodies nuzzled up to my chest. I love that I need to be touched, hugged. I love that my kids need to be snuggled as much as I do. It's a good arrangement. I love that when I'm doing my hard-core ab-workout trying to get a solid stomach and my baby crawls over and lays his head on my tummy, all I want to do is melt into a soft squishy mommy again and cuddle with him. I love the woman, the mother in me. If you haven't, I suggest reading the book and then going to see the movie. It will stay with you too.

Shout out to Cali... LISTEN UP!

I'm a Californian, born and raised. I live in Utah now, but my heart belongs in California. Someday, I want to live there again. It is for this reason, that I want to make my stand known. If I lived in California I would vote YES ON PROPOSITION 8. And I urge those of you who live there to do so!!! And to speak out about it, make your vote be known. Now is the time to let your voice be heard!

Let me tell you why I would vote yes if I could.

1.We can love someone while still maintaining and advocating our standards and beliefs.

2. Failure to pass this prop could impact the ability of any religion to teach and practice its beliefs.

3. This bill will not HURT homosexual people. In California the law provides for marriage-related benefits to be given to civil unions and domestic partnerships. Prop. 8 doesn't diminish these benefits.

4. If gay marriage remains legal, public schools will put it on equal footing with traditional marriage. Children will likely receive "age appropriate" information on sexual relations within heterosexual and homosexual marriages.

5. The court's decision will inevitably lead to conflicts with the religious liberty and free speech rights. Society will become more and more hostile to traditional beliefs about marriage and family.

And here is my final reason:

When I was in high school, California passed a bill defining marriage as between a man and a woman. The people spoke and the bill was passed. Fast forward ten or so years, and a few years San Francisco judges make a decision that legalizes gay marriage. THIS IS WRONG. VERY WRONG. The purpose of the judicial branch is to interpret the law INTERPRET, NOT CREATE. Legislating from the bench is wrong, and unamerican. Our founding fathers set up our government so that no one man would have too much power. When a few San Francisco judges go against the voice of the people and change the nature of our laws, IT'S UNETHICAL. It is our responsiblity to check this kind of abuse of power. Keep the balance people. Let your voice be heard... again! VOTE YES TO PROPOSITION 8

Tagged x 2

Here goes, stay with me on this.




Tag #1 Pretty easy: The Rules: Go to your 4th photo file and post the 4th picture.

Me, dad, and Meghan. Walking on a snowy winter day in Logan.

Tag 4: Stacy, Jessie, Amy, and Susanne.


Second tag, slightly more time consuming.

Sevens.

7 things I can do:

1. Scuba Dive

2. Sew

3. Birth babies- vaginally, without ANY stretch marks. (I don't know how it's possible, but I'm not complaining)

4. Dance

5. Write poetry

6.seriously multi-task

7.stay up all night reading, and stay awake the entire next day

7 Things I can't do:

1.live without chapstick, believe me I've tried.

2.give sky-diving a chance... sorry Craig, it's never gonna happen.

3. reach the top cupboard without a stool.

4.parallel park, or just park straight... seriously, I still can't figure that one out.

5.try on just one thing in the morning-- I'm a Meaker. We outfit obsess.

6. make mashed potatoes without spilling potato water all over the stove and filling the entire house with a burnt potato water smell.

7. live without Craig, nor do I want to.

7 things that attracted me to Craig. (ah, only seven!)

1. his eyes. seriously seriously, blue. All my kids got them, yipee!

2.his spirituality. I've always liked the good boys.

3. his sense of humor.

4. His sexy arms, those things are huge.

5. his booty. (which I never saw until AFTER we were married, but jeans hint enough)

6. his energy and zest for life

7. his brilliant mind.

oh, just one more...
8. when he played the piano for me. We were just friends, and he played a song from Legends of the Fall. That was the moment I fell in love with him. I remember thinking that I would make him play it for our kids and I would tell them that this was the song that made me fall in love with their daddy. And I do.

7 things I say most:

1. Oh my gosh.

2. What the h? (Abbreviated just like that.)

3.No!!!!! (At the top of my lungs)

4. give lovies.

5. I love you.

6. Hannah, Carter, Ethan!

7. The kids were SO awful today, (in a totally whiny voice to Craig)

7 People I admire most

1.Craig

2.My mom and dad

3.President Hinckley

4.My Grandma Dot and Grandpa Brownie

5.my aunt Julia

6. my brother Matt

7. President Monson

7 favorite foods

1. chocolate milk- hot cocoa--everyday without fail, or I'm quite grumpy

2. pie- chocolate satin, razzleberry with vanilla ice cream

3. Reese's peanut butter cups, oh oh oh.

4.salmon

5. crab (I LOVE LOVE LOVE seafood)

6.artichokes

7. Pork Luau Sandwich with sweet potato fries from RUMBI!!! YESYESYES!

7 people to tag

1.Meghan
2.Tracy
3.Maran
4.Rachel
5.Katie K.
6. Lauren
7.Tashi

i love fall.

here's why.

hayrides

pumpkins

doughnuts... mmm.

this is how it works

At the 3rd child's 1st birthday...

the men folk adios the kids to the park so the women folk can stay home and cook.

baby sleeps through his own birthday dinner, because I'd rather have him happy than present.

older brother and sister open all the presents while he sits and looks casually disinterested.

then grandpa and daddy have more fun playing with them and build sweet ramps off the coffee table. Ahh, yeah.

Uncle Matty wants a ride on daddy's retro bike.

So do the big brother and sister.

the birthday boy gets to watch.

Mom gets to show off her magnificent baseball cake.

which baby of course screams with terror at,

and big brother blows out the candle.

then baby stuffs his face with cake, while everybody else has to wait their turn. baby ends up like this, which means...
a bath in the sink, and Uncle Matt gets to dry him off, and help mom get him dressed.
then big sister sits by the front door refusing to let Grandma, Papa and Uncle Matt leave. Too bad she's so little, or it might have worked.

The end.

365 days ago...

After 15 hours of hard labor...

and one ridiculously easy push...

we welcomed this little bundle of cheeks into the world.
I looked out the window to view the sun coming up over the Wasatch front, while I experienced the sunrise of a new life. Magic.

They took you away from me. And poked and prodded your tiny little hands.

I didn't get to see you for too long, but then they brought you back to me.

Your daddy wouldn't leave the hospital for 2 days to go home and take a shower. He didn't want to leave mommy alone, or you. Mommy had to make him go... he was getting pretty greasy.
We gave you the name Ethan Matthew, after your Uncle Matty. Who loves you, so much.

It hasn't been an easy year, Ethan, but you've been an angel for us, even though it hasn't always been heaven.

You were a surprise.

A big one.

I wasn't really ready for you.

But I sure am glad the Lord had better plans. I love you Ethan-baby. Happy Birthday.

PS. Pictures of the day's festivities will follow soon.

lightening our load

Why is it that we understand principles of faith better as a kid than we do as adults. When I was 5 if I had a problem, the first thing I thought to do was to pray and ask for help. Now, it's only after I've exhausted all my abilities and realize that I can't do it, that I ask. For example: Yesterday, I spent the day shoveling, pulling, digging, raking, and pruning my yard. We are now officially winterized. But that also meant that the garbage can was FULL of a yard's worth of petunias, bark, rocks, dirt, grass, and weeds. HEAVY. Beyond heavy. I had the slight suspicion that I might have a little bit of trouble moving the garbage can back to the back yard, but I was in no way ready for what was in store. When I finished the yard, I was pretty pleased with my neat and tidy accomplishment. The only thing left to do was move the can to the back of the house. ha. ha. I heaved-ho and heaved-ho, and it wouldn't budge. At all. Well, you know me, I'm not the type of person who lets something like that get me. Especially when it has to do with size or weight or not being able to lift or reach something because I'm so small. Well I tried again, one GIANT mighty pull. And do you know what? I pulled that garbage can right over onto myself. Yeah, dirt clods and all spilling out all over me and the yard, and I am pinned-- PINNED under my 200 pound garbage can. And I can't lift it, at all. Even to get it off my leg. AND IT HURT. I'm so glad no one else was outside... it would have been really embarrassing (although the neighbors could have been watching from the window) So I finally rip my leg out from underneath it. (I've got the massive bruise today to prove it) And I stand up and look at my masterpiece. There's the garbage can, tipped over on the ground, dirt EVERYWHERE, all over my freshly cleaned yard, and I'm seriously almost in tears. Because there is no way to lift it. It won't even budge, and Craig was working late yesterday, and I REALLY didn't want to leave dirt all over my yard, and basically I felt totally helpless, and I really wanted to cry. And in that moment, when I was totally discouraged, and tired, and helpless, a little voice whispered in my ear, "why don't you pray?" "Oh," I thought, so I looked up to the sky, bowed my head and whispered a quiet prayer to myself. "Please Heavenly Father, help me to lift this garbage can, I can't to it myself."

I bent down grabbed the sides again, pulled, and the garbage can lifted right up of the ground. It didn't even feel that heavy. When it was upright and in place, I pulled at it again, and it wouldn't budge. And in that moment these words entered my mind:



"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest... For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. " Matthew 11: 28 & 30



I looked up at the sky, and then I really did cry. Hannah came over to me, and I told her we should say a little prayer to thank Heavenly Father for helping mommy lift the garbage can.

Come unto him, whether your burden is large or small, and he will make it light.

three

Dear Carter,

You turned 3 yesterday. Mommy started crying when we said prayers and thanked Heavenly Father for you. You are so special. I knew you would have a sweet disposition when you were in my tummy. I could feel your little spirit sitting on my shoulder the whole 9 months you were with me. I screamed at the nurse when I was pushing you out, that surprised your daddy. It hurt so bad, but when you finally came out I felt the most overwhelming joy. You were such an angel baby. You never cried, never whined. You were such a good eater, and you were always happy and smiling and so patient. I always felt like you were saying, "it's okay mom, I'll wait until you have time for me." You used to take naps with me on the couch in the afternoon, and you would snuggle up into my chest. You learned how to crawl at six months and walk at ten, and you haven't stopped since. You are such a physical little boy. You can climb on just about anything. Such a little climber, just like your dad. You're extremely independent, and intense. But you're still easy-going like you were when you were a baby. You're busy, but not emotional. You never demand a lot of attention. If you want bread, you just climb up and get it. If you want to wear your shoes you just go get them and put them on. And you love horses, okay, you're obsessed with them. You have been since your daddy took you riding on Grandpa's horses when you were 18 months old, and it's been all horses all the time ever since.

Yesterday, you wore your dinosaur shirt with your camo jacket and the new shoes aunt Tashi got you for your birthday. You said they make you run fast. I made you a cake with horses on it. You wanted to eat it all day. You had trouble waiting, but you did. We had homemade birthday pizza, and played pin the tail on the horsey and musical chairs. You didn't really understand how to play that game. Every time we took a chair away, you'd go back and get it. You didn't want Daddy to not have a chair. We opened presents. You got dinosaurs, a truck, a bow and arrow, batman jammies, a horsey movie and a new BIKE. You weren't too excited about the clothes. You love the bike. We finally ate your cake and ice cream. Daddy let you stay up late watching the horsey movie, and you went to sleep with the truck in your arms. Today you took your bike out for her maiden voyage. You did fabulous. Happy Birthday, Carter. We love you.